I want nothing more than for them to be parents, I really want to do the honor of helping them become parents for the first time, but ultimately I just want them to have their baby, whether it’s with me or not.
Thankful Thursday - The Road Less Traveled
I guess it’s fair to say that life presented the option to me to take “the road less traveled” at a very young age, even though that road was one that didn’t fit into my meticulously thought out, life “plan” at the time. My father passed away after a nearly life long battle with Lupus when I was barely 16 years old. Like any child that has lost a parent, I was devastated. Mostly grief stricken by the loss of such a significant person in my life but also completely distraught over all of the major life events that would no longer play out like I had always imagined, daydreamed about, even planned and in some instances, Type A orchestrated in my mind, since I was a small child. My father wouldn’t see me graduate from high school, move me into my first dorm, cheer me on during undergraduate graduation and then see me get my graduate degree, as well. I’d be walking down the aisle one day, alone. He’d never get the chance to see himself in my child’s eyes as he held him for the very first time. Growing up with a chronically ill parent – you have a tendency to daydream about the future. You imagine better days, celebrations with no need for medications or dialysis treatments, or Dad passing out and being rushed to the hospital in the middle of Christmas Eve Mass. All of my dreams seemed to vanish in a matter of moments that sunny, March morning that I watched my father die in our home.
The transfer failed. WHAT!? How can this be? She has always gotten pregnant so easily and never experienced any complications or loss. The thought of a failure hadn’t even crossed her mind.
No one ever wants to talk about these possibilities because we don’t want to add any bad juju, negative thinking or stress. Only “sticky thoughts” and “positive vibes”
The moment every surrogate dreams about is when the intended parents get to see their child for the first time. That’s why we do this, for that moment, and all the lies behind it. The first time a woman thinks about becoming a surrogate is usually triggered by a story of someone else’s struggle. She thinks about her own role as a mother and how much it means to her then longs for that for others who haven’t been as fortunate in their journey..
This video was that moment.
In researching surrogacy, have you started to see pineapples everywhere? Wondering what it's all about? Although not medically proven, the fruit has been widely adopted as a powerful symbol with those dealing with Infertility. It is said that if you eat pineapple core after an IVF embryo transfer, it can help with implantation.
I (Cat, Co-Founder + Former Surrogate) wanted to share a story about something that truly touched my heart recently. First, for background, in 2012 I watched my sister struggle to conceive with her husband. Each month she would call and share the news that she wasn’t pregnant. I told her if she couldn’t become pregnant, I would carry her children for her, without a doubt. After many rounds of fertility treatments, she finally became pregnant. It was also during this time that my eyes were opened to the fact that she wasn’t the only one struggling with infertility. So many women cannot get or remain pregnant. My heart was broken at the thought of this injustice. I wanted to help, so I soon signed up to become a gestational surrogate through a local agency.
Breastfeeding Without Birthing - Yep! It’s a thing - and I did it!
In honor of World Breastfeeding Week, I wanted to share my breastfeeding journey (don’t worry – this picture won’t be offensive anymore once I explain). After a grueling path of infertility, including 4 rounds of IVF in under a year, 4 miscarriages and then learning we’d need a gestational surrogate to carry my embryos if I wanted a genetic child, I was spent. Tired out and so mad at my body for all the ways I thought it had failed me (which it hadn’t but I digress).
Letting Your Light Shine
Oh sweet summer time…I wish I could blame the inconsistent postings on such a wonderful thing but it just wouldn’t be true. Lately life has just been chaotic. Who knew life with twin 3 year old’s would be such a circus show?! And then throw in closing on a new home, scheduling lots of renovations from afar. Why not? All that aside, last week I was reminded almost daily by my beautiful, spirited and gregarious children (as well as messages from a few other places – you know who you are and I love ya!) that in-spite of life’s trials and tribulations there is always room to let your light shine. Always.
How & when to share with others your decision to become a gestational surrogate:
Becoming a surrogate is one of the most selfless and generous acts a person can do in their lifetime. Having a solid support system is key to a successful surrogacy journey and is important to get established early in the process. So, when and how is the best way to let others know you’ve made this decision?
The key word from day 1 for both intended parents and the gestational surrogate is vulnerability. Yep, I know – that’s a scary word but hear me out. I often greet and welcome intended mothers into the most exclusive club of all time – a club we NEVER asked to be in. The “I need a gestational surrogate to carry my baby(ies) club.” Most often, we’ll chuckle about this but it really is the truth. In most cases the Intended Mothers have suffered tremendously trying to have a child. Infertility PTSD is a REAL thing. Then throw on top of that the fact that she can’t carry her own child (if it was ever to happen). I can instantly pull the exact moment out of my memory archives when I was told I’d need a surrogate. I’m transported back to the doctor’s office and can feel the chair beneath me, see exactly what I was wearing, the look in my husband’s eyes – all of it. It’s been over 4 years since that day and it still feels so real when it pops up. I remember feeling absolutely alienated when I received the news. I was full of so much shame and heartbreak. How in the hell can’t my body do what it’s made to do?!
